Walk of Shame. In a state park.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
