So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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