How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
