"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
