i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
