i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
