I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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