I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
