Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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