You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
