Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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