Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
