I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
