do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he was CRYING into my vagina
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
