She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If that was your dad, he is hot
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
