That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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