I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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