I want to make a zoo with you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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