can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize