Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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