Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
