I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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