I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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