I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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