lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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