Taylor Swift is so right about you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
