check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
