your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
