so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
