They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
