just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
