You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
