I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
