I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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