my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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