I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
