I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
