Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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