would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
