My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize