Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
