He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
