i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
