We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
