He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can I color on your dick again?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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