Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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