Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
