you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
