Your face is a jimmy john
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
