please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
