So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
