I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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