My underwear smells like fireworks.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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