apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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