I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's blow job season.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize