Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
