Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
