My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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