His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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