i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
