Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
