I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize