You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
