I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
