saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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