I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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