I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize