i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
