I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
