Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
