No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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