I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
