Whod you bang
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
