True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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