i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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