when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
