The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sorry my hands just texted you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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