Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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