I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize